1. Forgiveness

What specifically do you need to forgive yourself for?

Happiness, grief, achievement, failure… All of these are vital lessons for all of us as life goes on. Although we try our best and avoid making fewer mistakes every day, there were and will be some regrets about the things we have or we have not done.

Everyone makes a mistake in life, that’s for sure. Regrets come later to remind us that we have made poor choices and mistakes. For some people, they would be very hard on themselves for their mistakes. On the other hand, some people find it easier to forgive themselves. Which type of person do you think you are? I belong to the former one. There is no superior type between the two and I think that having a balance is important.

Being very hard on ourselves, we may beat ourselves up over mistakes which may lead to having harsh criticism self-talk and giving up quickly because of the fear of failing. Oppositely, it is also not right to just move on after making mistakes without reflecting on it. Therefore, the balance is not only by looking back, reflecting to acknowledge our shortcomings, but also forgiving, improving to continually raise our standards to be able to handle things a lot better next time, and then moving forward.

“Pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released”

Today, I decide to forgive myself for the bad decisions I made, for the times I lacked understanding, and for the choices that unintentionally may have hurt myself or others.

We have to make important choices for our lives. Whenever I look back on my 23-year life, there were things that I wish had done it differently. I am blaming myself for had given up the given opportunity to learn to play musical instruments when I was a kid. To be honest, the thing I am regretting is not the skill that I could have to play the piano and violin. It is the fact that I could have appreciated more for my mom’s effort, who at that time just lost my father and worked hard to raise 2 daughters, was giving her all and providing the best for me.

Later during my high school and university, I feel remorse for not trying to be more open, meeting more diverse people, and making memories with international friends at the dorm. After all these regrets, I have come to realize I should keep my mind open, being present to be more aware of my environment and not to let an opportunity slip out of my finger next time.

While in my adult personal life, I wish I could take life not too seriously like how I have been. It doesn’t mean I would take life easily, but to be more energized to do, to feel, to dream, to try, to live, and to love. I’m aware that I have this big wall around me and have been careful in choosing to let people in my life. Sometimes I do wonder if I could have missed someone whom I could learn from. I have this voice reminding me now and then that it is okay to be vulnerable. Easier said than done, duh. I am not giving up though. It is a work in progress.

I hope you have enjoyed my story and imperfect writing. That’s all for today and see you on my next one!

To whoever reads this, are there any regrets that you have been keeping in your heart all this time and still finding it hard to let go? I hope you have the courage to grow from them as they have taught you a precious lesson, and let’s put our minds at ease. :)

“Before making others happy, you have to make yourself happy”

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Andriani Carolina

Andriani Carolina

A Hotel Management Graduate. Love reading philosophy. Writing a story I hope worth sharing.